This is a little movie playing on the screen of my feeble mind . . .
I am a ship’s captain. My ship is in dry dock because the engine has failed. My ship and I aren’t going anywhere until we get a new engine.
The mechanic that the shipbuilder sent over reports that he has found the problem. He says the problem is that you’ve been operating this ship on diesel and it was designed as a nuclear vessel. So he retrofits it with the reactor and leaves the business card of the plutonium supplier. I contact the supplier and they email me the contract to sign for the purchase.
As I read, I see some, er, interesting terms. I notice that the full load of plutonium will not be delivered at this time, only a small deposit. Then I see the type of consideration required of me are not in dollars. In fact, they aren’t in any currency. I have to sign over the vessel. That’s um, not what I expected. I start turning the contract every which way to see if this is a joke or something. And I see that the supplier is a wholly-owned subsidiary of the ship’s manufacturer. This whole thing is a scam, the game is fixed and I’m the chump.
I get on the phone and call up the contact number on the contract. I spend a few minutes letting the voice on the other end know exactly how I feel about this situation. I tell the voice how unfair it is, how tricked I feel, how this firm is taking advantage of its customers, and I give them a very detailed demand of how I want this resolved. After all, this is my ship.
The voice listens and asks if I bought the ship.
Of course I bought the ship.
When was that?
I don’t know, I’ve always owned it, I’ve been operating it all my life, if I don’t own it, why hasn’t the real owner come to claim it? It’s a big ship, hard to miss.
Do you have a bill of sale?
Oh, it’s here somewhere, let me look here, there’s a book that um, HERE it is. Let’s see, party of the first part, we the manufacturer, you the steward . . . STEWARD? blah, blah, the undersigned the lessee, LESSEE? What’s going on here?
The voice tries to calmly but firmly explain that the ship actually belongs to the manufacturer, that they designed it to run as a nuclear vessel, that I’ve been operating it on the wrong engine, that the new engine is now installed, and all it needs now is power.
Okay, fine. Let’s get down to the bottom line. How much?
Sir, we . . .
And what’s this measly little amount of fuel I get on the front end?
Oh, sir, our fuel is extremely powerful. It is pure energy. That little bit is all you will need for a lifetime of service. You see it gets renewed every day through a special osmosis transfer from the main supply. But you will get the full monty later.
I want to know how much to get the fuel and get me out of this stuck condition. I am desperate to get out to sea again and do what I was born to do. Let’s get this show on the road. Everybody has a price. Now what is it?
Well, it’s very expensive. You could be a ship’s captain for 1000 lifetimes and you’d never earn enough to make the down payment. Now you must choose. Do you want us to put the old diesel back in and leave you alone, or do you want the ship to run as we designed it and do what you were born to do?
I have to give up my ship?
Yes. The ship has always been ours. You must sign over all the rights you thought you had as an owner.
Well, I guess . . .
One more thing, and this is very important. You’ll be taking your navigation, destination, and manner of operation orders from us. Even the very purpose of the vessel and its operation will be determined by us. We built this vessel for a specific purpose and we know best how it is to be operated.
Holy . . . you mean to tell me I have to be demoted from captain to helmsman?
Exactly.
Why would I want to do that? What’s in this for me?
The rewards are endless. We can start with the opportunity to do what you were born to do in a finely machined, finely tuned vessel with all the power it needs to perform its task, running now on the power source 100 times as powerful as your old engine. Everything you need will be provided for you. You’ll have a direct relationship with the designer and manufacturer. You’ll be part of our fleet called HAGIOS that has commanders trained by the Supreme Commander that will help guide you, teach you, correct you, encourage you, and give you the opportunity to be a full participant in the team effort. That’s about all I can tell you today. But there is much more. Including a great promotion plan.
How do I know you’ll keep your side of the bargain?
We do have a whole host of witnesses, many records of our faithfulness to our Word, many who have given their lives as a testament to the veracity of our Word, and these may help give you confidence. But you already know by listening to my voice that I’m telling you the truth, don’t you sir?
(long pause) yes, i know, i think I’ve always known. But there were so many other captains who told me about how things work, that I must be independent, that I am captain of my ship.
I need to be so sure. This is important. This is everything.
That’s all we require, sir. That’s what it will cost you. Everything. What kind of swindle would tell you up front that it will cost you everything?